Editor’s be aware: This story contains dialogue of suicide. In case you or somebody is contemplating suicide, assets can be found to assist. Please see the data on the finish of this story.

SEMINOLE — A lot of April 14, 2010, stays a blur for Hallie Twomey.

However she can not overlook her response to her son Christopher John Twomey’s admission that he felt like a failure.

“I didn’t say I really like you. I didn’t hug him. I didn’t say a factor,” she mentioned. “I simply rolled my eyes. I assumed he was simply being a dramatic 20-year-old.”

Quickly after, her son died by suicide exterior their dwelling in Auburn, Maine.

As we speak, Hallie Twomey, a Seminole resident of 5 years, nonetheless talks to the urn holding her son’s ashes.

She apologizes for not saying extra that day and reminds her son, higher often known as CJ, that she loves him.

Greater than 1,000 others have additionally shared that message whereas spreading his ashes world wide as a part of Hallie Twomey’s mission to assist her son posthumously fulfill his journey targets.

Their story is featured within the documentary “Scattering CJ” by Emmy-winning filmmaker Andrea Kalin.

It will likely be broadcast on the PBS World Channel on Friday, Saturday and Wednesday. .

“I can’t carry him again, however I can honor him and his legacy and impression others by way of this movie,” Hallie Twomey mentioned.

"Scattering CJ" filmmaker Andrea Kalin (left) and Hallie Twomey
“Scattering CJ” filmmaker Andrea Kalin (left) and Hallie Twomey [ Courtesy of Spark Media ]

The documentary options the Twomeys’ story and selfie movies from a number of the greater than 1,000 individuals — largely strangers — who agreed to assist unfold CJ’s ashes.

His ashes have been scattered in additional than 100 nations and 750 places, together with Mount Kilimanjaro, the Nice Wall of China, Honduras, the south coast of Fiji, underwater on the Nice Barrier Reef and outer house through a non-public rocket.

Hallie Twomey sends the ashes in small baggage to the volunteer members, together with two requests: that they ship her a photograph or video in order that she will be able to expertise the journey along with her son and that, as they unfold the ashes, they remind him of her love and remorse.

Everybody has honored the requests. Some share private tales of dropping a liked one to suicide or admit to as soon as considering it.

Others say that studying of Hallie Twomey’s ache satisfied them to maintain dwelling.

“To claim that you’ll by no means be affected by psychological sickness, straight or not directly, all through your lifetime is like saying you’ll by no means catch a chilly or lower your finger,” mentioned David Lobatto, the movie’s producer, in a ready assertion. “It’s by way of the unimaginable endeavors of individuals like Hallie Twomey and the prowess of activists like Andrea Kalin that disgrace could be pushed out of the topic, and the instruments to get assist for individuals in want could be most generally and successfully deployed.”

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After highschool, CJ Twomey joined the U.S. Air Pressure and later “competed for a place with particular forces,” Hallie Twomey mentioned. “He was not chosen. He was actually upset.”

He was honorably discharged, returned to Maine and labored for a non-public safety firm.

“There have been no flags,” Hallie Twomey mentioned. “He was beginning to consider getting again into the navy. Issues appeared like they had been shifting in a optimistic route.”

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Then got here April 14, 2010.

CJ Twomey known as his mother at work to say his plan to rejoin the navy had modified. Hallie Twomey and her husband, John Twomey, returned dwelling to verify on their son.

“We ended up within the kitchen and had been calmly speaking,” Hallie Twomey mentioned. “Nevertheless it rapidly escalated. He wasn’t crying, however he saved saying he had nothing. He was so upset that he smashed his fist on our kitchen counter. He hit it so arduous that it popped up.”

He ran exterior and killed himself.

“The following 12 months was a nightmare,” Hallie Twomey mentioned. “I keep in mind dusting my son’s urn and realizing that’s a part of my actuality now. I mud my son’s urn. That couldn’t be an finish to it. He liked life. He liked journey. It didn’t look like this might be it. If CJ had lived the life he was meant to stay, he would have traveled.”

John, CJ, Connor and Hallie Twomey
John, CJ, Connor and Hallie Twomey [ Courtesy of the Twomey family ]

Three years after her son’s loss of life, Hallie Twomey got here up with the concept to ask family and friends to assist unfold his ashes after they journey. She posted the request on Fb. It went viral.

“Our native newspaper did a narrative after which CNN picked it up,” she mentioned. “It simply went from 5 to 10 to 100 presents in a single day.”

“We had been getting hundreds of emails,” Hallie Twomey mentioned. “It was overwhelming to maintain up with all these wonderful individuals and presents to assist.”

One such e mail got here from Kalin’s Washington, D.C.-based Spark Media manufacturing firm.

“She promised that if we trusted her, she would inform the story of our son and the journey in a respectful means that individuals will need to watch and that can have a optimistic impression,” Hallie Twomey mentioned. “I trusted her, and he or she was proper.”

Individuals nonetheless attain out to assist unfold CJ Twomey’s ashes, however she’s cautious to not ship away an excessive amount of.

“I’ll at all times need to maintain some,” Hallie Twomey mentioned. “CJ is gone. However I’ve an urn and I’ve my recollections.”

If you wish to watch

“Scattering CJ” is airing on PBS World Channel.

Screening dates: Sept. 16 at 7 p.m., Sept. 17 at 12 a.m., 8 a.m. and a couple of p.m., and Sept. 21 at 5 a.m. and 11 a.m.

For extra info on the film and on volunteering to unfold CJ’s ashes, go to scatteringcjfilm.com.

Need assistance?

In case you or somebody is considering suicide, attain out to the 24-hour Nationwide Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255; contact the Disaster Textual content Line by texting TALK to 741741 or chat with somebody on-line at suicidepreventionlifeline.org. The Disaster Heart of Tampa Bay could be reached by dialing 211 or by visiting crisiscenter.com.



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